Smash

PS: this post is a bit bummy and not as :D as my usual posts.

Today I had a good facebook conversation with my sister. Its weird how sometimes its easier to talk about feelings with the mask of the internet. I could call her up to talk about something personal but i've (and i'm sure a lot of other people) always found it easier to type feelings and I think for some it may be a better or deeper way of communicating. Needless to say, I needed to email my sister because over the last year and a bit my only sadness and depression I get is from how I often think of my mom, not in the best ways, I think about how shes getting older and I ofter wonder about her happiness. Her and my dad keep busy with their lil antique shop and shes says shes always doing great. but ya know.. I dont know. My sister reassured me my mom is quite happy and content. I just have this feeling like I should be giving her anything I can. I call her and spend time with her but I often feel unfulfilled. And even while i'm with her I just feel emotional in this way. This last year I been somewhat feeling a bit lost and, that good old age thing is starting to poke its way into my daily thoughts and i'm starting to feel like i'm getting behind in where I should be in life. I dont know if these feeling are spawned form my downward health the last couple years but something has gotta change.